Dear Ricky,

Hi. Today was a on the emotional side today. I went to see you. You know if anyone would ever told me, I would have gotten married, and have a baby, I would have told them they were CRAZY! I never dreamed in a million years, that I would become a widowed single mom. The word widow seems so foreign to me. If anyone would have told me you would have taken your own life I would have never believed them! You had a beautiful heart, and you loved life. How crazy things get, in just the blink of an eye. Some people may think it is easy to deal with your death, since I have lost others to suicide before. No it's not easy, I just know what feelings are coming up. I think the crazy part about all of this, has been I HAVE NEVER ONCE BLAMED ANYONE, I THINK A PART OF ME WANTED TO, BUT I KNOW IT IS NO ONE'S FAULT! WHILE SOME PEOPLE ARE UPSET THAT I BLAME YOU, I ASK THEM WHO I AM SUPPOSE TO BLAME??? I understand for some they need to do whatever it takes to get over their grief. I still get angry with you, I still question why, I still have the what if's in the back of my mind, I still wish with all of my heart that things would have been different. So at the end of the day - I'm SURVIVING!!!
Love always and forever your wife,
Ang