Dear Ricky,

Hi baby! I have amazing good news to share with you! As you know I have decided to do the Walk Through The Darkness Overnight. I have just been asked to be apart of the opening ceremonies. I am so honored to be apart of this amazing beautiful journey. I hope I am making you proud, of all my accomplishments. Today feels like such a blessed day!I love and miss you so very much baby!
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby. I have had so much going on. Kennedy was dedicated to God on Sunday ( she really liked that ). I have been thinking about making some life changes, that are a bit scary, but if I do it I know Kennedy and I will be okay.
Done "fighting" with certain people, but also tired if feeling bullied.So I am not sure when things will get right, or if they ever will with those people that I feel have wronged me & Kennedy. It makes me sad, that I have so much anger and resentment, and nit sure if the "relationship" will ever be repaired. Even after going to an SOS meeting, I was hoping to find the answer to my one question, and no one had an answer. Maybe I need to sit and think about it, and pray to God. I know that everything will work its self out.
I love n miss you so much.
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby! Jen had her baby last night ( a healthy baby boy ). As I sit here & write this I wonder where does the time go? It seems unreal to me that it was four months ago, that we lost you ( that my world was forever changed that September day ). Our baby girl is getting dedicated to God tomorrow. I think Kennedy's really excited about it! A part of me is slowly getting better, learning how to let go, to not blame myself anymore. Since your death - I wasn't sure I would know how to live, what to do, but I am slowly figuring it out. I love and miss you so very much.
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby! I am trying to not be bitter, and be better. But I think that is so much easier said than done! I think that as the anniversary of your death approaches, I become more irritable, and "out of control" with ANGER. Maybe I am still angry with you for the way you decided to end of your life is so unfair to not only me, but our beautiful daughter! I am trying to still make sense of your death, and I more than likely never will. God how I did love you ( while some people have stated recently that I didn't or I wasn't in love with you any more ). I know we had so many issues, but I really did love you with all of my heart & soul. Who are they to say how I felt about you, what do they know about what I am feeling or thinking four months later. I guess your death has taught me who are my real friends, til the bitter end.
I love and miss you so very much!
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby. Today was a good day. I am surprised at some of the people that have managed to come back into my life recently. I believe everything happens for a reason,and maybe they are here to help heal my broken heart & help me realize that there was nothing I could do to change the events of that night. I miss you so much!

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby. As I sit here and write this there is so much anger inside of me, I am literally seeing RED!! Why do I allow these people to upset me so much? Do they not realize the consequences of their actions? You would think they would be willing to compromise with me and at least meet me half way! Tonight has brought me to whole new level of CRAZY that I do not like at all. It hurts my heart that I have become this way, but feel like I have been pushed to my limit and can no longer take it! Since you have past away, I have been blamed for your death, fought with people over your possessions that LAWFULLY BELONG TO ME, BECAUSE I ( HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOUR PARENTS ) I AM THE NEXT OF KIN!!! This has made me physically ill now. And your mom keeps playing "victim", I am so over it!!!! Your father has said some terrible things to me, after you passed away ( I have forgiven, but never will forget). I have now decided Kennedy will have nothing to with your parents ever again!!! I know I am beyond ANGRY right now, and am sure at some point I will change my mind about your parents. God why did you leave me??? Why I am having ti be this person I hate so much? I love and miss you so very much!
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby. Alina called me to tell me Shawn David Gulseth was caught in San Diego. This has brought joy to my heart, and now I hope Bonnie can finally rest in peace. My hope is that this will bring some peace to the girls. I love and miss you so very much!
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby. The last couple of days have been tough. Last night our girl called me, and she is not doing good. I wish I knew the right words to tell her, but I can not find them. I so desperately want to tell her everything will be okay, but I know how that upset me when I lost you. I wish with all my heart that there was something more I could do for her. I love and miss you so much baby.
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby, it's been a while since I have written you. So much has been going on. Yesterday Kennedy, my mom & I went to Evan & Liz's for Quynn's 3rd birthday! You would have fallen in love with her ( she is super cute) & our girls are getting so big - & have become such beautiful little girls. A part of me feels torn, I have made some important decisions recently, & I know it will not make some people happy, but I think it is what is best for right now. I have tried to consider so many other people's feelings, and not cause waves, but I feel that I have been taken advantage of, and I am done being taken advantage of!!! What people seem to fail to realize is I am next of kin, & all of your possessions belong to me, I am not asking for them for me but your daughter & people want to lie to my to face about things they STOLE FROM YOUR DAUGHTER AT YOUR FUNERAL!!!!! I know this is going to cause hell, but I am so done feeling sorry for people, who have been HEARTLESS AND CRUEL TO ME, AND STOLE FROM OUR DAUGHTER!!! I suppose I should really call who is bothering me & talk this out, but I am so upset that I know I will say things that are heartless. I am tired of people making me feel shitty because they think I am keeping Kennedy from them! Not until recently have I pulled her away, and I do not feel I need to justify it to ANY ONE!!! Why would they lie to me about your possessions, why would they hurt your daughter like that, and think it is me they are getting even with? This whole nightmare has hurt my heart & made me become a BITCH!!! I know that this has to be hurting you, and that you wouldn't want all this fighting going on. I am lost, confused, angry & hurt. I never thought of all people that one of the people involved in all of this would be the one capable of lying to me to. I guess I shouldn't be to shocked - not the first time they have lied and stole from our family! I love n miss you!
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby. Well it is now 2011, and I hope this year is much better than last year. Kennedy started Bridges last night ( a support group for kids ages 4-18, that have lost a parent), I think she enjoyed going. This weekend we are going to Evan & Liz's to celebrate Quynn's birthday. I am excited to see them! Wish you were going to be there with us!The silent auction benefit ( There is hope ) is starting to come along!!!! I am so excited about planning this event, and hope we have a good turn out for it! Did I tell you that Michael is going to DJ this event for us??? Which will be awesome!!! Wendy is trying to help me plan some major stuff for our benefit, so I hope it will work out! I hope that I am making you proud of all I am doing.I love and miss you so much.
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang