Dear Ricky,

Hi baby... Hard to believe you have been gone almost seven months now. I can't believe how big our baby girl is getting.Kennedy's speech is getting so much better, and she is doing good in pre school. I can't believe my trio to NYC is in a couple of months. Wow - where does the time go??? I suppose I should start training for it,but you know me, never motivate until last minute. My There is hope ( a page for those affected by suicide) on face book, is slowly growing. It is amazing to me, where I have found comfort. I attend my support group, and that is my extended family, the one place where I feel completely safe. After your death, all I wanted to do was focus on raising awareness about suicide in every aspect. I am in the process of working on a slide show/video about survivors of suicide loss. I don't have many photos of survivors, some survivors are afraid of it being a trigger for them. So I guess, I will do with what I have. I love and miss you so very mush.
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby, it's been a long time since I last wrote you. So much has happened, and I know you would be happy with the changes I have made. Kennedy & I are all moved into our new place, and I have decided to leave my job. Something I know you wanted me to do for a long time. I had an odd dream about you last night. It didn't upset me or anything... And I am not sure why but since your death it has made me think more of my cousin Ronnie & my best friend Jesse who both died by suicide. Apart of me wishes Jesse was still here ( because when I felt like this, he picked me back up ).... I came across a father's day card Kennedy gave you, and I tell you what I have never been so angry with you as I was at that moment... I wish I could say I understand, I wish I was at that point on this journey, that I could say with full conviction in my heart that it's a mental illness.... But I just am not there yet. I know one day I will be able to forgive you, and fully accept the mental illness.... But it is so hard to comprehend. How on God's green earth do I ever explain this to our daughter, so she doesn't grow up wondering... I could have sworn she asked where you were today ( and a part of my heart just broke). Of course when I asked her what she said, and if she asked where you were... She replied with the angels in heaven... God how I wish I would have known than, what I know now.How I miss you, how I wish the roller coaster of emotions would stop... I love you and miss you.. I really never wanted you to let go last night, and than I woke up...
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang