Dear Ricky,

Hi babe. I guess my nerves are starting to get rattled with NYC just around the corner. I am humbled & honored that I will be apart of the opening ceremonies for the Walk Through The Darkness. Wylie the public relations manager for the American Foundation For Suicide Prevention just e-mailed me the script, that they will use for the opening ceremonies. I just hope I don't start crying when they talk about my story. I am happy they are going to also mention my cousin Ronnie, & best friend Jesse. Even though I named the team after you, I am walking in memory of all you. Not just for the three of you, but all the lives that have been lost to suicide. For those who have struggled with suicidal tendencies, to let everyone know that there is always hope, that every tunnel there is light at the end of it. I know you, & Jesse would be extremely proud of me. Even though I didn't know Ronnie, I have a feeling he is watching over me, saying I'm proud of you cuz, way to change the world! Your death was not a tragedy, but merely an unexpected chain of events that have lead me to an amazing journey.I know you are watching over me, smiling, saying that's my wife & she is AWESOME!!!I love and miss you so very much baby.
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby, it's been a while since I last wrote you. My walk is only 12 days away. I can not believe it!!! i am anxious, nervous & excited all at the same time. To be apart of something so amazing, over joys my heart. My Survivors Of Suicide Support group has been so helpful. I feel like it's my safe place, the one place where others will not judge me, based on whatever I am feeling in that moment. I know I have amazing family & friends there for me, whenever I need them, but it's hard to explain sometimes what I am thinking & feeling to them. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about you, or miss you. I realize now 8 months later that I will never know why you ended your life, I realize now that you were sick... I just wish with all of my heart that you would have reached out for help. Ever since you past away, the only person I ever blamed was you. And now I don't blame you, I still get angry with you at times. I still wonder what your life would have been like if you were still here. I wonder so many different things babe! I wonder if you knew how much I loved you, no matter what our issues were? I wonder how your death will affect our daughter as she grows up. I wonder when my sense of "normal" will ever come back. I wonder if there is a day that I will make sense of all this, & be able to help others... All I know is my life was forever changed on 9/22/2010. I love and miss you today & always. Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby... I can not believe I will be leaving for NYC in 22 days, and the walk is in 24 days. It seems like a life time ago, I decided to embark on this adventure that I am sure will help heal my heart & soul. I honestly dreaded Mother's day this year, as it was my first without you here. It however was a nice day. My mom got me a nice necklace & earrings set from Kennedy & many friends text me, to wish me a happy Mother's day. Your mom was in ICU on Mother's day ( not the way I planned on visiting her).... I have been praying for Julie, and she seems to be doing good.However the best, but yet bitter sweet part of my Mother's day... You came & visited me in a dream. I understand your spirit will always live on. Speaking of hospitals Nick & Julie are in the hospital, awaiting on the birth of their sweet baby girl. They are going to induce her today ( she went in the hospital last night, & was dilated to 2 centimeters). I am excited to meet the newest addition to our family. I have been becoming more active with church. I am taking a bible study class with pastor Jason, which is awesome. I plan on getting baptised, when they do the next water baptism.I am still trying to figure out, what I want to go to school for... I am thinking of taking writing courses, and eventually write a book based on loosing three people to suicide & how I survived these devastating losses... My life has forever changed in ways, I can not explain. I love & miss you so very much babe.
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby, I have not written you in what seems like forever. I can not believe you have been gone seven months now. That the over night walk in NYC is in one month. Everything seems like some weird dream, that I hope some kind of good will come out of your death. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of you, that I miss you & wish with all of my heart that you were still here. Kennedy is getting so big babe, you would be so proud of what an amazing young lady she is becoming. Baby can you watch over some important people in my life, right now? It seems a lot of our friends are having some bad times right now, & I am doing my best to be there for them. It makes my heart sad to know so many people we love are hurting. I wish you were here, to give me some advice on what to do, but for now, I will leave it in God's hands & pray for my family & friends.... I really do love & miss you so very much. love always n forever your wife,
Ang