Dear Ricky,

Hi baby, it's been a while since I last wrote you. My walk is only 12 days away. I can not believe it!!! i am anxious, nervous & excited all at the same time. To be apart of something so amazing, over joys my heart. My Survivors Of Suicide Support group has been so helpful. I feel like it's my safe place, the one place where others will not judge me, based on whatever I am feeling in that moment. I know I have amazing family & friends there for me, whenever I need them, but it's hard to explain sometimes what I am thinking & feeling to them. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about you, or miss you. I realize now 8 months later that I will never know why you ended your life, I realize now that you were sick... I just wish with all of my heart that you would have reached out for help. Ever since you past away, the only person I ever blamed was you. And now I don't blame you, I still get angry with you at times. I still wonder what your life would have been like if you were still here. I wonder so many different things babe! I wonder if you knew how much I loved you, no matter what our issues were? I wonder how your death will affect our daughter as she grows up. I wonder when my sense of "normal" will ever come back. I wonder if there is a day that I will make sense of all this, & be able to help others... All I know is my life was forever changed on 9/22/2010. I love and miss you today & always. Love always n forever your wife,
Ang