Dear Ricky,

Hi baby.... I already took your flowers to the funeral home. Against my better judgement, I went to see you. Now that image is forever burnt in my brain. The last time I saw in your dress blues, was when we lived in Yuma (and unfortunately it was not for your Marine core ball). There is a lot of anger on my part, it seems that people only want to focus on you being a Daddy, son, and brother, no matter what our issues were, you were still my husband!!! So for those people who want to focus on your parents, I get it, but it doesn't mean I am not upset!!! So many people are grieving for you, I understand it's just not my loss, but a lot of peoples! I am hurt beyond words, and trying not to take things personally, but you of all people know my heart better than anyone ever did, and that is not the way I am processing all of this. I hope you can rest now, and know you were my heart and soul... I love you and miss you more than words could ever describe.
Love always and forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby... This week has been a roller coaster of emotions for all of us. There's been nasty mean rumors spread around, and they are painful, but I am strong. SO many people that loved you, that want to pay their respects to you. I talked to Kevin, & he is flying out on Friday to be here, that means a lot to me. I saw Daisy yesterday & told her what happened, she's going to be there to. Having a hard time trying to get pics of you for Holly to help with the slide show, trying to find the right words to write you a poem. You want to hear something funny??? The one person I couldn't stand more than anything in the world (I know you will know who I mean) has been supportive more than I ever thought she would (and no I didn't mean your one friend - who has now become a friend to me, & helped me get through this process). Been trying to bite my tongue on a few things, that anger me, but I don't want to be that person who gets walk all over. I hope you understand that. I love and miss you my sweet Marine - till we meet again, not goodbye, but I will see you later.
Love always and forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

So the past few days, I have had many downs... I have been trying to explain to Kennedy that you are not coming home, that you are in heaven with the angels. It is so hard, because she doesn't understand (which can be a blessing, but sometimes frustrating). I wanted to let you know that Kevin is coming down here on Friday, and I talked to Daisy today and she wants to be there to. So many people are just in shock right now... Oh Bruce is going to be there, he was so sweet, we talked for almost an hour this morning. I had wanted to get a hold of a few other people, but the numbers were old, and not good any more. I bet you are surprised that I have made friends with some people, you probably never imagined. Yeah it even took me by surprise! I have been trying to write a poem for you for friday's service, but I keep getting writers block... Not sure how I will survive Friday, but I know I have to. I love and miss you with all my heart and soul.
Love always and forever your wife,
Angela

Dear Ricky,

Today was extremly rough. I heard rummors that people are blaming me, while it hurts more than words can say... I suppose they need to blame someone, other than you, to make thier pain go away. While we had our issues, I loved you more than anything in the world, and I wish people would not act like they were my friend, if they feel that way. I wish I had answers as to why you did this. I have felt so alone durring this, while I know I have family & friends that are doing thier best to be there for me. I am angry, hurt, confussed. I know your parents lost thier only son, I can not begin to imagine thier pain... However my daughter lost her daddy, and I am left to explain this to her, no one else! So for those of you that follow this blog, and have something you would like to share with me, than please do it to my face instead of behind my back! I have felt guilty, like how could I not know that he would do that. That maybe I am to blame... I live with that everyday! So please think before you speak, I blame no one other than Ricky for the choice he ultimatley decided to make.
Love always n forever your wife,
Angela

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby. Today has been a little easier. I had hard time sleeping this morning, I woke up around four in the morning, but was able to go back to sleep for a while. You came to me in a dream, it was odd, but beautiful... I miss you so much! I wanted to let you know I have been thinking about Kennedy's next b-day (the first one you will not be at), and I'm gonna make it extra special for her.Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am, I feel they are wrong... They don't see me break down, and wishing you were here. That at some point I feel like I could have done so much more to be a better wife to you, that I ultimately let you down in the end.... While I know it wasn't any one's fault but your own, that in the end you made the final decision, it is a part of the grieving process for me. You left me, and I will never understand why you did it.... I'm sorry I let you down....
Love always and forever
your wife,
Angela

Dear Ricky,

Hi sweetie. Today was a little on the off side. However I had a full house over here today, it was nice to have "family" here. You wouldn't believe how big Amanda, & Shy are getting. Jennifer has the cutest baby bump, she is due in January. I miss having a baby bump. I miss you so much... I talked to Kevin today, and he is going to do his best to fly out here, and come to your service on Friday. So many people love, and miss you. I don't think you ever knew that. I love and miss you.
Love always and forever
your wife,
Angela

Dear Ricky,

To my Marine,
Today has not been easy, and I do not think you would have been very proud of me. I miss you so very much. Kennedy sees your pictures, and ask me what happened. I tell you are in heaven with the angels. It is hard for me to tell her what happened to you, and I dread the day I have to sit down with her and explain what happened. I wish you would have talked to someone, tried to explain how you have been feeling. This has been so hard on everyone Ricky. I don't think you understood how much I loved you, that I would have done anything I could to change the events that happened.I love you Ricky.......
Love always and forever
your wife,
Angela