Dear Ricky,

Hi baby. What an odd last couple of days.... It seems as though it was just yesterday you were here, and yet you have been gone ten in a half months now. Where does the time go? I know you were in such a dark place, that you felt like there was no HOPE left. I am so sorry you lost your hope. What I wouldn't do to have you here right now.
Kennedy wants to go see the Smurfs movie, I'm thinking about taking her today. Her and I both got our hair cut the other day. I'm sure you would have not liked it, and complained beans hair was to short (like you always did).
I have been at odds about a lot of things lately... And I'm not sure if, and when I will never be at odds about things... But I guess it is what it is.
Someone I cared for deeply, had hurt me so bad, to the point I was so done with them and their crap. Found out yesterday, that his dad past away. So I reached out as a friend.
I have been battling a cold the last couple of days, but I'm slowly getting better. Can you believe Alina had her baby girl. Journey weighed 9.9 oz, 21 inches long & came into this world at 2:26 AM on 7/28/2011. I have not met Journey yet, but seen the photos, and she is beautiful babe!
These are the moments where I wish you were here... To see this, to feel this, to experience life. How beautiful it really is...
Love you always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Today Kennedy & I were watching tv. A man was visiting his son's grave & Kennedy looks at me & says that's daddy's grave. DO YOU KNOW HOW ANGRY I AM AT YOU RIGHT NOW??? Why wouldn't you just admit you needed help, & you could still be here? How is it fair that my little girl is left daddyless by your own choice? Yes I understand people that die by suicide are suffering from depression, & it is a mental illness. But it does not mean I do not have my days where I AM SO ANGRY, ALL I SEE IS RED!!! I am having a moment, right now, where I just simply do not understand... Where none of it makes any sense to me at all. Never will have any answers, not sure even if I did any of it would ever make any sense to me...
Love you always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby... been a while, since I have written you. I just want you to know, no matter what is going on, that I think of you every day. We celebrated your sister's birthday on Sunday at your parent's house. It was a nice time, still felt odd not to have you there to barbecue, but the food turned out good. How is Buddy dog doing? I bet he's so loving the attention he's getting from you, not having to share it with Cole! You would be amazed how big our baby girl is getting. She is such a DIVA :) I have no clue, where she got it from. LOL! Okay - yeah she got it from me. I plan on taking her to the ocean soon, just me & her. She's been bugging me about it for a while now. I bought her a Sponge Bob Square Pants kite, that she is so ready to play with! We love and miss you so very much baby....
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

today for the most part was a good day.... However I had some things come my way, that just made me shake my head and wonder what the fuck??? The last straw was something that angered me beyond words, I know it is this family member's nature to be out spoken, I just feel that she was out of line! I am not perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be, maybe that is what made me most upset by her statement. Does she really think it is a joy for me to sit with her, when all she is negative? I get mad at you, at times like this, because you would just tell me that is how she is. It was beyond hurtful, & I know this family member is hurting, & her time with us may be soon over, but damn how much more can I take???? I want to scream, and all I want to do is yell at you and fucking punch you!!! I am so angry at you tonight!!!
But on a good note today ( technically yesterday ) was your sister's b-day. We had a BBQ at your parent's house, and it was nice. It was odd not to have you there, I mean I have been to your parent's house a bit since you died, but we have not had BBQS there, it didn't feel the same without you there....
I feel so all over the place, just wish you were here. Wish I didn't have to deal with all of this on my own! In a bad place, and I hate it....
Love always n forever your wife,
Ang

Dear Ricky,

Hi baby... So much has been going on the last couple of weeks, it seems a bit unreal to me. Kennedy & I had a great 4Th of July, we hung out with Charisse & her girls, and some more friends. It was a lot of fun, you would have liked it. Tonight were going to the fair with Charisse to, Kennedy's looking forward to it. I have made a decision to cut some people out of my life, I thought they had changed, I was so very wrong... But out of all that mess, came something else. So I will see how things work out... A little skeptical of things, but I leave it in God's hands. Your death has been one of the worst things I have ever had to go through in my life, but I can not & will not let it ruin my life. Being a single mom sucks, but what is even worse is that there is no dead beat dad.... there is no dad at all, & that is what hurts my heart the worst. Not that people blamed me for your suicide, but Kennedy is daddyless...
Love n miss you always n forever your wife,
Ang