Dear Ricky,

Hi baby. Today is Kennedy's fourth birthday! My mom and I took her to dinner at Apple bees. Of course all she wanted was mac n cheese. I brought cupcakes in to preschool for her class. She was treated like a princess. They gave her a special crown,sang happy birthday to her, and let her pick a special toy to bring home. You know a part of me is still angry with you, about leaving this world. AND YES I KNOW, I WILL NEVER HAVE AN ANSWER AS TO WHY YOU DID WHAT YOU DID! IT BREAKS MY HEART THAT IN ONE MOMENT YOU TOOK YOUR LIFE, AND LEFT BEHIND OUR BABY GIRL! I AM BROKEN, AND MAYBE TIME WILL FIX IT, BUT I AM NOT SO SURE.I PRAY THAT I CAN FORGIVE YOU, FORGIVE MYSELF AND BE OKAY! The other night at work, someone saw me cry, and he came up to me the next day. He said to me, I was shell shocked - because I haven't seen you cry. I was wondering if you were a woman. His words didn't anger me, but made me laugh. I told him, when I'm at work I focus on what needs to be done, and do my job 100%. I told him I try to really not cry in front of anyone (especially Kennedy) - I don't want people to worry about me, to see me broken. I don't tell anyone how broken and shattered I feel. I try to joke, but inside my heart is empty. I love and miss you so very much.
Love always and forever your wife,
Ang