Dear Ricky,

So it seems that my feelings have created some DRAMA! That was not my intention with this blog, it has been a way to help me cope with my feelings... My guilt that I have, the anger that I feel, the sadness that overwhelms me at times. I can't believe it has been three weeks since you left this world, I am still waiting to wake up & realize that this just a bad nightmare. I will not stop writing my blog, this is not going to be sugar coated for anyone! I know parts of the truth, and realize there was a lot you did not tell me. I know you had a lot to drink that night (that has been stated by both of your parents), I know there were heated words between a friend of mine and you, and that ultimately her and I were the last ones to see you still alive. So all of that plays out in my mind, like a broken video, that replays over & over. I often wonder if I would have just went with you to get the damn toothbrush, if things may have played out differently. I wonder if my phone would not have been on silent, the outcome would have been different. I know with some help, that I will get through the guilt of that night. That in the end, you were sick... I honestly believe in my heart and soul had you been sober you would be here, and none of this ridiculousness would be going on right now!!!
I love you more than you will ever know devil dog!
Love always and forever your wife,
Angela