Dear Ricky,

Hi baby.. Today has been the hardest, I can not believe you have been gone for three weeks now. They say time heals everything, I am just not sure this time. I know the pain will lessen, but never fully goes away. I have taken things way to personally, and have had my defenses up, which is not a good thing. I tend to take what people are saying, to another level, & twist it around. Maybe because I am still angry at you, and am taking it out on others. Kennedy has been such a "ham", I worry because she hasn't asked about you yet. I can't even take a shower without her freaking out (and we thought it was bad when we would pick her up from preschool). I am going to start counseling (ironically on your birthday).. Like I said I am not sure why I am feeling such anger, where it needs not be directed. I hope I am making you proud, I do my best to be strong for Kennedy, and I feel like I am breaking! As a three time survivor, you would think I would know how to get better. I get out of bed, I take care of the baby, and yet my heart is so broken and shattered. I have amazing family & friends that have stepped up to the plate. When I feel better, and have some money set aside (which seems like that will never happen), Kristy's doing a memorial tat of you for me. I picked the bull dog (specifically the one on one of your t-shirts) & the phrase "ooh raw devil dog". I miss you so very much, it still seems so unreal to me. I love & miss you so very much!
Love always and forever your wife,
Ang